let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
