On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
