I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
