we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
