You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
