I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
