you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
