weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
