So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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