my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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