He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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