I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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