Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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