If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
