I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i love accidental penises.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
