I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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