yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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