Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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