Jerry, you need to find god
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
