I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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