what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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