literally had 100 drinks last night.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Randomize
