Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
