The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
