Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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