I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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