her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
