I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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