Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My penis needs a shock collar
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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