so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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