dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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