Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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