Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
