I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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