I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
