Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
