thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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