her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
