help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
