and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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