Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
