i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
