My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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