I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
