You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
