Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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