She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
