A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
