I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
