Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
