I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
