i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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