my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
