I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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