He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
