The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
