Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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