Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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