At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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