I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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