Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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